Inspiration on the Mat

What are you Hungry For? Part # 3

2010-08-21T07:13:00.001-04:00

In my workshop Yoga for Transformation, we used the book, "Women, Food and God" the subtitle being; "An Unexpected Path to Almost Everything," to assist us on our path to balance, wholeness, peace, and love.

The premise of the Roth's teachings find residence in yogic philosophies and principles - one being that the issues live in our tissues (discussed in Part #2), and this week's discussion topic, "feel our feelings."

Yoga allows us to travel the longest distance we will ever travel in life: the distance from your head to our hearts. Quieting the chatter in our minds and getting out of our heads allows us to show up on our yoga mats and simply "be." In the sacred space on our mats we can invite the feelings to come to the surface, we can begin to be aware of where feelings live in our bodies. More importantly we can begin to answer the question: "where is my healing, my balance and wholeness being blocked?" Feeling can be scary, even the good feelings, if they are not tempered with the fact that they are just that, "feelings" they are not reality.

Reality is that the Universe brings us exactly what we need to heal, to move past the blocks and traumas in our lives. Feelings are the door that the Universe opens for us to come home. The poet Rumi beautifully offers;

The Guest House

This being human is a guest house.

Every morning a new arrival,

A joy, a depression, a meanness,

some momentary awareness comes

as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!

Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,

who violently sweep your house empty of its furniture,

still, treat each guest honorably.

He may be clearing you out for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice.

Meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.

Be grateful for whatever comes.

because each has been sent

as a guide from beyond.

In the end when we allow ourselves to really feel our feelings, we might stumble on the unexpected path that leads us to the answer to the question, "What is it I'm really hungry for?"

What Are You Hungry For? Part # 2

2010-08-14T22:26:00.001-04:00

Continuing the conversation from my Yoga for Transformation Workshop...

The Issues Live in the Tissues.

What prompted me to use the book, "Women, Food and God," by Geneen Roth was what I refer to as "yoga speak." The concepts in the book correspond with yogic philosophy.

One of the many definitions of yoga includes union and integration. Yoga provides a path for us to come into union with ourselves. Yoga extends to us the invitation to go deep inside. It invites inquiry: What emotional, intellectual, physical and even spiritual baggage, (a.k.a issues)have become obstacles to your being in union with yourself? Most importantly what issues are blocking your communion with The Divinity that dwells within you?

Roth's yoga speak:

"Inquiry is body based; it is not a mental process. You sense what it feels liketo be inside your skin, your arms, your legs. You notice the sensation and younotice the location of the sensation. Sensation, location, sensation, location. If for instance, you are feeling sad, you ask yourself where that feeling is located in your body."
(Women, Food and God., Pg.104)

Every yogi and yogini recognizes that, "location and sensation" coupled with the provocative question of where does that reside in your body, is the fundamental process of yoga. Hence, every yogi and yogini recognizes that the sensation = the issues, live in the tissues = location.

Yoga heightens our awareness (ie. sensation) of what it means to be alive and in a body (ie. location), it speaks to the disconnect. Yoga provides a path to integration.

As you journey on your path to intergration ask yourself:

What are some of the family, religious and societal myths you "ate" and/or "stuffed" your self with, but never fully digested?

What are some of the messages you received as a child?

When you think of these myths and messages, identify the sensation and where does it resides. Where is that sensation living in your body?

What are you hungry for? Part #1.

2010-08-07T06:26:00.012-04:00

It is a question that has nothing to do with food.

It was a line of inquiry that I explored in my Yoga For Transformation Workshop. Utilizing the phenomenal book that is flying off the shelves, "Women, Food and God" by Geneen Roth, myself and workshop participants began to celebrate the awareness as women our, relationship with food is reflective of our herstories, religious and cultural experiences and societal messages concerning body image.

The workshop participants created a loving and sacred space for inquiry into the question, "what are we hungry for?" Most importantly, yoga provided and provides the invitation into exploration of this question on a myriad of levels.

Much of Roth's book is what I termed "yoga speak." Yogic philosophy recognizes that "the issues live in our tissues," and transformation being an inside job. Through discussion, sharing and of course "taking it to the mat" with asana, we continued our journey of coming home to ourselves.

Stay tuned more to come.

Urdhva Prasarita Padasana – Reverse Process

2010-07-20T00:02:00.020-04:00

Urdhva Prasarita Padasana is one of my favorite gentle yoga postures, mainly because it feels so good. Connecting breath with the gentle movement of extending the legs up towards the sky and extending the arms up and over head mimics the feeling of “skywalking.” The translation of Urdhva Prasarita Padasana is reversing the process – it indicates that the process and effects of gravity are reversed.

Urdhva Prasarita Padasana aids circulation in the legs, arms and hips by reversing the flow of blood that stagnates while sitting and standing up-right. Energetically, it calms and rejuvenates the nervous system.

At the level of the heart (not the blood pump – but the seat of devotion, bliss, intimacy and love) Urdhva Prasarita Padasana invites us to reverse the process of stagnation. Reverse the process of holding on to the stale sentiments that clog the heart from receiving and giving the expansive healing peace and unconditional love of the Divine.

The Benefits of Yoga

2010-06-21T11:07:00.011-04:00

If you were to type, "the benefits of yoga" in any search engine, a million and one results would pop-up. Western medicine and science has acknowledge the benefits of yoga, from, stress relief and relaxation to increase in flexibility and balance.

At the top of the list for me is finding "home" in my body. From a very early age, we are bombarded with messages that tells of to loath and hate our bodies and this is equally true for men as it is for women.

Yoga invites us to awaken to what it means to be alive and in a body, which is the last place many of us want to be. We live externally focused, Yoga embrace the fact that transformation is an inside job.

Yoga offers the challenge of connecting body with spirit and connecting body with heart. It allows us to journey towards acceptance, grace and love - finding home in our bodies. Our yoga mat's are our own private labortory to explore what it truly means to be alive, and have breath in a body. Yoga extends to us the invitation come home.

Home is where the heart is.

Yoga 4 Every Body - No Pretzels Required.

2010-06-03T21:10:00.011-04:00

As a yoga instructor I get a lot of questions about being "pretzel bendy." When teaching my focus is on stability first then allowing flexibility to come in a gradual process. My passion is introducing yoga to every body type. Fortunately, my introduction to yoga was in a $5.00 dollar community class, especially for beginners. It was just a class of regular folks with varied reasons as to why they showed up to a yoga class. One man was there recovering from injury, another woman was there because she wanted to increase her flexibility. The majority of us fell in the category of just plain curious. Most importantly we were all shapes and sizes and we were doing yoga!

The stories we often tell ourselves about yoga are; I am not size 4 or I am out of shape or that "I am not pretzel bendy!"

The very essence of yoga teaches, we don't have to be certain shape, size, or fitness level. Nor do we hve to be "pretzel bendy." The ancient art and science of yoga requires one thing: that you come to your mat with an open heart and mind. The wonderful thing about yoga is your mat is your own private laboratory to experiment and play.

It is in teaching classes like my first class, I am blessed with the opportunity to witness and share in the transformation of each student. I am humbled by the opportunity.

*Picture provided by Danielle

The Difference Between Surrender and Resignation.

2010-05-21T23:51:00.005-04:00

This week I learned a valuable lesson about the difference between surrender and resignation. I learned that resignation is negative and implies hopelessness. Being resigned to a thought, a situation, or a behavior implies that change is not possible and that "That's just the way it is."

On the other hand, there is often a very positive feeling in the body, mind, and spirit that accompanies surrender. Surrender has the ability to become expansive and it can actually open up our thoughts, our daily situations and our unwanted behaviors to the possibility of change. It is full of possibilities and most importantly --hope.

In life it is difficult to seperate surrender from resignation. The movies offer the image of sending up the white flag, which means, "I give up." It's seems to be always negative and after a long fought battle. That is what surrender is. It is saying to the universe, "I give up" but with the cavet, "I put it in your hands."

After a long hard battle of us trying to manupulate and control; person and situations we get battle fatigue. All we need to do is to say, "I give up, here, God - you do this." Real surrender means we have to relinquish the illusion of control.

For the 12 step community, surrender is the first step toward recovery. It is a spiritual principle that is truly universal, because we are all addicted to something, whether it be work, food, attention, or perhaps shopping. Whatever our "it" might be, we use it to fill the void and self-medicate.

Surrendering is a powerful statement of saying and being "Yes!"

In life, just like on our yoga mats, we don't need to force our bodies into a posture. Instead we can simply say "yes" to the possibility of our bodies taking us where we have never explored before.

Gentle loving, sweet surrender!

How to Be Happy Always

2010-05-08T23:40:00.006-04:00

Swami Satchidananda is my yogi Marsha's teacher. He is funny, insightful, and wise beyond measure.

I invite you to hear and listen, reflect and relate, and finally relax and enjoy !

Love as a nothing in return concept is foreign to many of us. We often look upon that kind of love with much suspicion. we ask, what's the catch what are the strings attached?

What are the expectations we sometimes attach to our love or our acts of kindness and service. Do we expect recognition and/or acknowledgement. Swami even makes us re-think the whole notions of sending a thank you card, which is thought to be good etiquette in our society. Is the notion of thank you note, indication that we operate in this society with expectations - we get something in return for our giving. I don't know about you but I will never look at a "Thank You" note the same again.

Can love ever be given freely? I think it can. It is in those acts of self-lessness that we get in touch with the true essence of who we really are , the embodiment of the Divine. The natural outcome of that awareness is happiness.

Thoughts on Motherhood.

2010-05-06T09:15:00.002-04:00

It's official. All my children are "30-somethings". My oldest is 35, my middle son is 31, and the youngest turned the big 3-0 just last month. My kids are adults? When did that happen?

At anyrate, I woke up this morning feeling blessed and younger than I have ever felt. I am younger now then I was when I was young (er).

Happy Mothers Day!

*photo of myself and my daughter at age 3.

I am Highly Favored...and So Are You.

2010-05-04T18:56:00.001-04:00

As a Yogi and an admittedly sometimes reluctant Christian theologian, I must confess that I cringe every time I hear a preacher/minister or "saint" casually say, I am the "favored" of God. As if being favored by God means belonging to an exclusive club with a secret hand shake. It's also assumed that this "membership" keeps you from heartache, catastrophe, and everyday stuff happening.

Good luck with that.

So..Theologically speaking, how do we explain those in the "unfavored" camp? Too often, the three letter word S-I-N is the explanation that is used. And of course that is way too simplistic an excuse, otherwise Harold Kushner wouldn't have needed to write his book, "When Bad Things Happen To Good People." It's complicated and I don't even intend to delve into those complexities here, except to say that on my mat, moving and breathing, I know that I am "favored" by God, but not in an exclusive "them" against "us" dynamic. Instead, I feel expansive and open, just as the favor of God is expansive and open.

There is not a living creature on earth that does not enjoy that favor.

For me, being "highly favored" means that I know and consciously try to experience the favor of God with every breath.

It's Spring and love is in the air!

2010-04-01T15:55:00.001-04:00

Right now I am having such a wonderful time providing pre-martial counseling to one of the cutest couple on earth. I was honored when they ask if I would join in their marriage process. It's been an absolute joy. I am undoubtedly a hopeful romantic, and I am also an absolute believer in the power of love. I know that it is the most powerful force in the universe.

However, romance and love are two very different thngs. I have seen too many couples plan a ceremony, but fail to plan a life together. What is so refreshing about the couple I'm counseling is that they are truly working on planning a life together. They are doing the hard work and not relying solely on romantic love that comes and goes with feelings and emotions. They are working on nourishing and developing the understanding that love is not a feeling, it is an action. It is the action of service.

When I think of love as service, I think of the movie 'Coming to America'. When Eddie Murphy's character, the heir apparent of Zumunda, was introduced to his would-be wife, and she keeps bowing and saying, "whatever you like." The scene ends with her barking like a dog and hopping on one foot. It is too funny! Candidly, I can't help but think love as an act of service is kind of like that scene. Of course not that ridiculous, but love as an act of service is selfless. In entering into a committed arrangement, if both individuals decide to frame their love in the terms of actions, the process of becoming a loving partnership would be one of the strongest, unbreakable bonds.

These are the relationships that nourish, heal, and restore not only the two that are in the relationship, but that illuminate and bring joy to everyone around the couple. This is the bond that demonstrates the power of love. - The strongest force in the universe.

Holy Week

2010-03-29T16:43:00.001-04:00

Just a quick thought: Holy Week... isn't that kind of oxymoronic? From my view on my mat, there is not one week that isn't Holy, kissed by the Divine, showered with grace and loving kindness.

I am just say'in!!

I love me, I love me not, I love me

2010-03-29T14:49:00.001-04:00

On two separate occasions this weekend, the subject of self-love came up in conversation. My BFF (Brenda) and I talked about the stupid stuff we women do to ourselves. We always end those conversations with the amusing statement "she don't love herself."

Another cool sistah and I were talking, she was telling me that someone challenged her on the fact that she truly didn't loved herself, because if she really loved herself, she would ______. (fill in the blank accordingly.) She was a bit disturbed, and so she asked me, "So what does loving myself look like?"

Good question.

On first take, I thought of a bunch of stuff that would externally "prove" or "show" self-love. But as I sat with the questioned on my mat, I realized that what might be self-love to me, may not look like self-love to someone else.

The question of what self love looks like is, well, self defined. I get to choose what that looks like for me. For instance, my eating chocolate and indulging in deliriously delicious wine may not look like self love to someone else, but it certainly feels lovely to me. That said, I also realized the concept of self love opens up a little window that allows us to pass judgement and not accept the fullness of someone else's journey to self love.

Like so many things, self love is an inside job that may or may not be visible on the outside. I believe self love manifests itself in so many different ways that one can never be sure exactly what it looks like!

Lost in Translation

2010-03-21T12:37:00.000-04:00

In this time of Lenton self-reflection. I offer this prayer, according to the Biblical record it is the prayer that our Brother Jesus taught us to pray. Freed from the westernization, this is a inspiring prayer to the Divine. Enjoy, Reflect and Breath!

The Lord’s Prayer

(in the original Aramaic)

Abwûn
"Oh Thou, from whom the breath of life comes,

d'bwaschmâja
who fills all realms of sound, light and vibration.

Nethkâdasch schmach
May Your light be experienced in my utmost holiest.

Têtê malkuthach.
Your Heavenly Domain approaches.

Nehwê tzevjânach aikâna d'bwaschmâja af b'arha.
Let Your will come true - in the universe (all that vibrates)just as on earth (that is material and dense).

Hawvlân lachma d'sûnkanân jaomâna.
Give us wisdom (understanding, assistance) for our daily need,

Waschboklân chaubên wachtahên aikânadaf chnân schwoken l'chaijabên.
detach the fetters of faults that bind us, (karma)like we let go the guilt of others.

Wela tachlân l'nesjuna
Let us not be lost in superficial things (materialism, common temptations),

ela patzân min bischa.
but let us be freed from that what keeps us off from our true purpose.

Metol dilachie malkutha wahaila wateschbuchta l'ahlâm almîn.
From You comes the all-working will, the lively strength to act,the song that beautifies all and renews itself from age to age.

Amên.

Sealed in trust, faith and truth.(I confirm with my entire being)

A Tattoo Tribute to Motherhood.

2010-03-21T10:19:00.001-04:00

Of all the tributes to Motherhood a tattoo in your honor rocks! Happy early Mother's Day to me! I have been immortalized on the arm of my youngest son. It is perhaps a bit narcissistic but I really do like it.

As parents I think we often wonder if our children can even imagine how much we love them? With my youngest, I fell in love with him with the first hello. At 5 years of age, he was brought to my Sunday school class by his Grandmother. She was taking care of him while his biological Mother was having a bit of a hard time. He had these big beautiful eyes with the longest eyelashes and he was quite a little character (a.k.a bad as could be!) He was bad in that cute adorable way, you know, the bad that you try not to laugh at so that discipline and correction can be administered.

Long story short, the universe provided a way for my youngest, well to become my youngest. There is something special about the bond between a parent and an adopted child. Even if the parent and the child don't recognize it. In the infinite wisdom of the Divine, I chose my youngest and my youngest chose me. We chose each other to teach each other invaluable life lessons.

My youngest son now has a son of his own and in a recent telephone conversation, he said, "I don't know how you did this (parenting et.al) with three kids, by yourself. I only have one kid and this is hard!" thanks." The word's every parent, especially us single parents want to hear. What a gift! And he embodied his sentiments on his arm with a tattoo.

Again I ask, do children ever really know how much we love them? It really doesn't matter, they come to us as gifts and co-creators of lessons from the Divine. It is our role as parents to recognize their purpose in our lives. Children are the gifts that keep on giving and the lessons that keep on teaching and most importantly, love that is unquantifiable and endless.

Child's Pose

2009-09-19T11:05:00.000-04:00

Today on my mat, in child's pose....

I realized, I am "here," (in several situations and circumstances that are too numerous to mention) because of the decisions I have made and if I am honest with that realization, it makes me both angry at myself and sad. But what I'd like to say about that is, it is also strangely empowering. If getting "here" was the result of not one isolated decision, but by a series of decisions, then "getting" to where I want to be can also be accomplished by a series of collective decisions that take me in a different direction.

Quitting my job, going to seminary in Rochester, NY where I use to live, transfer to CTS - with my road dog, (my cat name dog-dog) here in Indy were all decisions I made, good, bad or ugly. All the situations and circumstances were/are precipitated by choices that I made. Now I can be caught in the trap of re-hashing every decision, cast judgement trying to assign good versus bad decisions...but at this point it does really matter. Nobody likes a Monday morning quarterback not even in the process of being self-reflective. So I am not assigning good or bad, just letting the decisions and choices be, my decisions are what they are. I can publicly own that; I am unemployed - without steady income, I am homeless - I am living with a gracious friend, because of the collective decision and choices that I have made. period

That realization gives me freedom from being the victim of circumstances. I am empowered to address my situations. It liberates me from the whole victim mentality that would having me waiting for external situations and circumstances to change.

So I am in child's pose. Child's pose is a restorative pose in yoga, it is a posture that allows you to reconnect with breath, and take an active rest to re-connect with your intention. Literally and figuratively, I am in child's pose, breathing, taking a active rest, re-connecting with my intention, purpose and direction on and off the mat. Breath!

A view from the dark

2009-09-17T09:24:00.000-04:00

As promised, I am bravely writing about my view from the darkness. Several things have come to me;

1.) dark is actually a spectrum of light, it is the farthest point away from the source of light.

2.) enlightenment actually translates into inside light - the source on light is on the inside

Laying on my mat, after a really nice savasana, looking up at the ceiling, connecting the dots on the ceiling, pondering my view from the darkness..considering my blog about "struggle and fight" and how I said, that when "struggle and fight" shows up in my life, I have learned how to let my light shine, just simply "be" and the darkness seems to dissipate. So, today as I pondered where did my light go and why does the darkness seem to have a freaking wind machine that keeps blowing out the flickering light from my one lone small candle. The word enlightened swelled in my spirit and I got it!

Okay, granted, I am little slow, but today on my mat, it came to me; en-lightened, IN- lightened. The light is on the inside. I think I knew that on a rational, logical intellectual level, but today on my mat, it moved from head knowledge to heart knowing. For some reason I was trying to ignite my one lone flickering candle on the outside, where the darkness could blow it out. I was operating outside of myself, externally focused.

This, igniting of the light, is an inside job. The light radiates from the inside out. duh! Even in the darkness, in those times when I think the light has gone, or I have moved away from the source of light, the light is always with me. My job is to continually find ways that keep reminding me that the light is within and always present. Now that is an on-going assignment. I keep forgetting.

Another amazing duh! that I have (trying) learned from my view from the dark is that although igniting the light is an inside job, if I let other peeps know, (that I am sitting in the dark) they will help me stoke the flame of my one lone candle. I am learning to let others help me. I have struggle for years with taking the red "S" of my chest, hanging up my super woman suit is very hard. Letting others in, actually helps nourish my fire. Fueling my one lone flame with love, care, encouragement, friendship and acceptance of my view from the dark. If I let them in they will come right in and sit in the dark with me, not trying to pull me out...they just sit with me, hold my hand and let me be right where I am.

This journey on my mat never ceases to amaze me. How on my mat, my head knowledge becomes heart knowing. My yoga practice keeps bringing me back into my body. My practice helps me with not being externally focus, it brings me home to my heart knowing. I understand the adage, "home is where the heart is" on a very different level now. This yoga journey, this life journey is an inside job, it really is a journey inside connected with, nourishing the light that dwells within and that my friends can have a profound outward expression. Interesting. Breath!

Ode to a very wise woman

2009-09-07T14:53:00.000-04:00

Recently at a lovely going away party for one of my favorite yogini (going to India, how exciting is that!) A very wise woman, my yoga teacher, mentor and very wise woman gave me "permission" to write about the darkness as well as the light. Imagine that, I can write about my dark days as well as the days when I am full of inspiration on the mat.

To be honest, darkness nips at my heels most days (I am a little melancholy) but I am also able to just be and let my light shine, play Mary J's song, "Fine, Fine, Fine... Whoo," get my prayer on, meditate and it's all good! But there are those day when I try to let my light shine, ( as in previous post), I muster up a mere candle flicker and the darkness seems to blow out this little light of mine. I stumble around in the darkness and I stub my toe, bump my head - like when you lose power in the house and you stumble around looking for a flashlight or a candle.

Believe it or not, I surrender and sit in the dark, maybe for only a moment, maybe a day or even weeks at a time. It is very difficult to admit, that I, the eternal optimist, spiritual director, yogini, sit in the dark sometime. OMG! I think that means I am human! I am where I am, sitting in the dark trying to have no judgement about where I am. It's not pretty, but it is what it is...me in the darkness, trying not to preform a "spiritual by-pass." Sugar coating the dark night of the soul with trite "religious speak." Those don't work for me, and as an ordained minister, I know most of them. When someone offers them to me I have to resist taking of my shoe and throwing it at them...not very yogic, but that's how I feel because it's the last thing I need, trite, pat answers. Blah!

One of the inspirations that I have learned on the mat has been the gift of exploration, making my mat my own private laboratory. On the mat, I explore how and what it means to be in my body, totally in my body and not just my head. I am also giving myself permission to exploring the darkness, am I afraid of what I might find? I will explore anyway; perhaps I have loss power, have I moved away from The Source...I didn't know I moved.... I'll keep ya "posted" on what I find in the darkness. Breath!

Nothing happens unless something moves - Albert Eienstein

2009-09-04T13:33:00.000-04:00

Something is moving. Today I had to make myself get on my mat! The chatter in my brain was non-stop, and I had almost gave myself a "pass" on my practice today, but I told myself, "Pammy Sue (only a very few people know that I was ever called that) just get on the mat, just do it, and I did. As always when I am the most resistant, the most rebellious, the most negative, the Divine shows up in the opposite; so sweet, so light, so so incredibly loving, gently, whispering my name.."Pammy Sue." This morning in the midst of all the sh*t in my head, I moved my body and something happened in my spirit. I had one of those scared moments on my mat, those moments that words cannot describe. That's why I just keep showing up on my mat, and to think I almost missed it! Breath with Pammy Sue!

Things that make you say hmmmm....

2009-09-02T13:04:00.000-04:00

This morning's prayer and meditation time put a big ole smile on my face. I was praying and for meditation my mantra was " Teach me how to love You more...Teach me how to love you more...and as I came back from where ever I go when I meditate, I heard myself chanting, "Teach me how to love me more." I was highly amused and pleased, and I hope I get the message! Breath!

Mentality of Struggle and Fight.

2009-08-27T14:37:00.000-04:00

I remember after my kids where grown or at least had moved out, then in again, then out again. A curious person once asked me why I seemed so ready to help my children, even though they were “grown”. My response was, “Because I think struggling is over rated.” Not even in the wisdom where I stand now, I recognized then, just how depleting struggling could be. I know the stories about how struggling builds character and emotional, physical and even spiritual muscle, but I contend that struggle for struggle’s sake is grossly overrated. If I can help some one not to struggle in life, why not help? I have gained amazing wisdom during times of “struggle and fight”, but on the other side it left me spent, depleted and anxiously bracing for the next round of “struggle and fight.”

Instead, these days, when I find myself in “struggle and fight,” I stop and just be, I breath and let my light shine, re-framing, (re)visioning and even removing and stepping away from the “struggle and fight.” Think about it, light does not “struggle and fight” with darkness, the light just shines. When I find myself in “struggle and fight” I let my light shine. First as a little flicker of light, then as I grow in understanding and wisdom and stand in the knowing that God holds me in the palm of Her hand, my light illuminates the peace, grace and love, that is already mine. Then the darkness is gone. The "struggle and fight" stops!

Emanating from the light in me comes a new perspective as I step into grace and wisdom regarding this thing, this person or this place that shows up in my life not to teach me how to survive the "struggle and fight," but how to just be and let my light shine in the midst of it all and breath! Namaste.

I ain’t no political pundant, but I am just saying…

2009-08-25T13:52:00.000-04:00

I am so sick of the particularity of the American myth of “self reliance.” As Americans our collective egos (Edging God Out) have created the story that as individuals and as a country we are self-reliant and that we have forged this country by pulling ourselves up by our own bootstraps. WHATEVER! This country was built on the backs of indigenousness people and the free labors of enslaved Africans…don’t get me started, but I digress.

There is no a self-made man or woman. That person simply does not exists, it is a hologram, a projection, a lie that our collective ego leads us to believe these statements, “I made this, and I have accomplished that…. all by myself!” “You get yours, like I got mine…on my own.”

To me this healthcare debate has a lot to do with another myth…the myth of socialism, bad…capitalism, good. To me socialism is nothing more than living into the scriptures; I am my bothers/sisters keeper and love you neighbor more than yourself and… shall I keep going? I know it is an over simplification but does it really have to be any harder than that? Because I have more, and because I can, shouldn’t I pay for my brother and sister who have not? Isn’t this a moral, spiritual, ethical question? Where are those voices in this debate?

With this health care debate raging, I can’t help but be thankful that my daughter lives in a country where healthcare is not an issue. My lovely daughter is an ex-pat living in France with her French boy. France is socialist democracy where healthcare and a University education is the right of every French citizen, or even an American who marries a French citizen. Yup, the government pays and yes the French are taxed out the whazoo. My daughter and husband are blessed to be in the top wage earning bracket in France and they are heavily taxed. My French boy son in law complains about being taxed as much as we Americans do, with one big exception…he can rest in the assurance of never suffering an economic hardship and ruin from a catastrophic healthcare crisis. He and my daughter will send their children (They do need to qualify academically but my Grandchildren will be the smartest in France!) to a University free of charge, thus producing a highly educated society. I know their democratic socialism has its faults and I can’t even suggest that I know all the complexities. Hell, I am not an economist, just a simple hopeful optimist.

I just know that I am sick and tired of people bantering around the word “socialism” as if it were like “fascism” and would turn America into Nazi Germany ( it has actually been said) all because we are American and we are a self-reliant, capitalist nation, trusting in the free-market system. Dr. Phil would say how's that working for you? I pose the question, How that working for the least of those among us?

Even if the focus is the cost attached to government subsidized healthcare, aren’t we already paying for millions of folks using the ER for primary healthcare? And what is up that BS about “death counseling”? How about we ask the millions of Americans who had to deal with an HMO when trying to get authorization for a life saving procedure. Can we the American people afford to pay for a government subsidized healthcare option? The better question should be, can we afford not too?
Can we afford a government sponsored healthcare system? The better question should be can we really afford not too?

Birthday Musings.

2009-08-23T13:49:00.000-04:00

August 21st was my Birthday! Congrats to me, congrats for hanging on, hanging in and persevering through the sh*t and the goodtimes. I am blessed and thankful for friends and family who believed in me even when I didn’t. Most importantly those three wonderful human beings God sent to me that have given me unspeakable joy. Okay I’ll stop getting sappy, but birthdays are a perfect occasion for sappiness.

But I would really like to tell you how I spent my day. I decided to do an experiment, to do exactly what I wanted and only what I wanted to do. It was awesome! I verbally asked myself the question: “What would you like to do Pamela?," and the awesome thing was that I stopped and listened to my heart and body speak. It took a lot of awareness, inward focus and surrendering the “should," but I did it and I want to recommend it for you to try.

And you don’t even have to wait until it's your birthday!

Mortgage Apple Cake: a Scared Contract

2009-08-16T10:22:00.001-04:00

Back in July 28th the NBC Today show had a wonderful story about Angela Logan, a 55 year old mother of three sons, like so many Americans, had fallen on very hard times. Her business was failing and the threat of losing her home was becoming a reality. But as God does what God does, she was also given the gift of sharing her love for her family with her famous Apple Cake. In a fantastic act of synchronicity, a woman who shared her love and passion of by baking of her famous Apple cake for family and friends was given the wonderful gift of economic ruin to redirect her.

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

For a lot of us, this harsh economic has been a time of “life correction.” I think it happens when the universe provides situations, circumstances and *S* happening to get our attention. And most importantly providing us a chance to “check ourselves before we wreck ourselves.”

My favorite intuitive, Caroline Myss, teaches about sacred contracts we make even before we show up in this physical world. As Myss illustrates in most of her work. There is a conversation that goes something like this:

God: Okay who’s ready to be embodied?

Thousands of little souls: Oooh, Ooooh Pick me, pick me!

God: Okay you over there.

Thousands of little souls: Awh man…(grumbling)

God: Be patient, some of you had have 2 or 3 turns already. Chill.

God: So my beloved what is it you want to learn and share with others?

Little Soul: ummh…about love, forgiveness and that we are all one.

God: Good answer my beloved. That is what you all sign up for, but what is it that you specifically want to learn and give to others?

Little Soul: I think I would like to learn…um how to ignite and nurture our Divine Spark! The You in me God! Yea I want to share creativity!

God: Okay, but you know that it means your little *a* is going to be around alot of ducks to endure being the swan among ducklings...and life will try to dull your Spark. Just remember who you are and whose you are and you will be fine. I am sending with you, your own special angel to guide and to help you. Plus, I will wink at you on a regular basis when I make things happen just for you, and I hope you notice.

Little Soul: Oh I will, God I will!

God: Right!

We show up, and life stuff happens. And all the while our Guardian angel is sitting, yawning, being bored, wondering when we are going to get on with what we agreed to do -- our sacred contract. The lessons are there but we don’t learn them, so we keep going through the same stuff over and over again. God winks and sends messengers and we don’t even notice, until finally our Guardian angel tells God that drastic measures must be taken. And then it happens- situations, circumstances and *S* happens to get our attention and we get this wonderful opportunity to be to fullfill our sacred contract to be what God has created us to be

The Apple cake lady thought she was entering into her darkest hour, but sometimes that is where the Divine can finally get our attention. Instead, she was able to tap into her Divine Creative spark that was contracted before the beginning of time. She now runs a company and that is her passion (and income).

You can read about Anglea Logan's story at: http://www.bakemeawish.com/maccakes.php

This is my story too, this economic crisis has given me a chance for “Life Correction.” Another chance to get it right. And yoga has provided the path to getting it right. I'll keep ya posted...pun intended!

My Yoga Journey.

2009-08-14T11:45:00.000-04:00

Part II

My yoga journey began like this.

Yoga found me in the most serendipitous way through a person that was brought into my life just for that purpose. We have lost touch, but she did her job. She was the Divine conduit that helped yoga find me.

I was introduced to the art and science of yoga via a desperate attempt to gain healing and recovery from my addictions. After “doing” yoga for awhile, I began to realize that I had been having these incredable energizing experiences. I felt my body and I began to feel! It was different from working out or any other exercise program. It was like I was awakening something that had been lying dormant inside for a very long time. Week after week as Nikki made the linkage between the five energy bodies and how our bodies make this natural attempt to find re-alignment-- to find balance.

Too often a quest for balance is acted out subconsciously in our behavior: drinking too much, eating too much or too little. As my yogi Nikki says: our issues live in our tissues, creating a disconnection and dis-ease aka disease of every form and fashion. So I returned to my yoga class each week not even really knowing why. But my body recognized truth…my truth… even before my mind could comprehend it. My body had by-passed all my fancy book learning.

Then not very far into my yoga journey, I was privileged to participate in a "Yoga for Recovery" weekend, facilitated by Nikki Myers and Nate Rush. As we moved through the information and an asana practice….it happened….right there…on my mat…I experience the presence of God…a deeply moving spiritual experience. It was just a simple "knowing" that in spite of all of my failings, faults and wounds, I am loved. I know I am supppose to already know that...I grew up singing "yes Jesus loves me." But those words are easier to believe when you're a kid.

It was an epiphany moment. Although it was a loving encounter it was still disconcerting. I felt confused. I am having this wonderful spiritual experience on a yoga mat and not in my church! It was like being married to one person but having this amazing kiss from another. A kiss that makes you weak at the knees and makes your toes curl, even with your shoes on!

As an ordained minister, I felt all the angst of a woman having an affair. Feeling as if my loyalties were divided. So as any person in love with two people, I went a little nuts. I threw myself into church stuff and I decided I would “do” yoga, but I would "do" yoga so that I could be the person that would “translate” yoga for Christians because “they” really needed this stuff and “they” just cannot get with all the eastern philosophy. I was operating as if Yoga needed me to make it more palateable for the Christian audience. Until again, on my mat, everything came together for me. Miraculously something shifted.

Yoga found me.

Yoga found me broken, confused, but open and willing to heal, just like the love of the Divine found me broken, confused, but open and willing to heal.

During that recovery weekend Nikki’s presentation included this statement:

“In any moment we can choose to turn to God. We can empty ourselves and receive Her. There is no distance to travel, no technique to master. Enlightenment is available in each moment when we choose it. It requires only saying yes to the present moment. There is nothing to do. There is no knowledge, no special learning required. No amount of doing will take us there. We need only courage to take the leap into the unknown. For it is in the unknown that we meet God.”

-Rishi Prabhakar

I pondered. What if Yoga, my lover, is just another persona of my first love…the love of the Divine? Why was my logical mind trying to keep the two separated as if one didn’t know about the other? So I surrendered into yoga and stopped translating even in my head and just let it be the proof positive that the loving Creator sends to me every good and perfect gift. I took the leap into the unknown world of yoga and I met God for the first time, again!

More to come. To be continued...

A funny thing happen to me on my way to…….

2009-08-11T11:45:00.000-04:00

On my wonderful, brilliant, and beautiful daughter’s (she pays me to write these things.... no really she does) blog page, ocassionally she does this really funny photo dump thing. She takes her camera everywhere and has taught me to do the same…so for smiles and giggles….tada…I bring to you my random photo dump:

First we have the cutest, smartest, jumbo grand baby on earfff!!
You've been caught!! Up against the wall Mister!

Yea, but I am still running things..what?

Next we have…My tribute to the King of Pop.

My roommate has all of these old MJ albums, so we had our own memorial service. At least now Michael has the peace he so desperately sought in this life...Here is the Michael Jackson I fell in love with......

And last but not least…what’s summer with out a Pride Celebration…

more specifically Drag queens....

Sharing our stories…aka…Creative writing…aka…. Genius work

2009-08-05T06:41:00.000-04:00

One of my responsibilities as Interim Associate Minister at Speedway Christian Church (DOC) was to provide leadership in the area of Evangelism. In Christian circles…it is the dreaded “E” word. What normally comes to mind is cold calling, like the old Amway, vacuum salesperson…(yes I am just that old!) Or better yet the street preacher standing on the corner handing out tracts. All of these images make my brain hurt. I know that it works for some…but for me… not so much.

I am convinced that evangelism is all about relationships--creating, developing and building relationships where God's love is shared and celebrated.

The “E” word is all about building relationships and not about church attendance. It is about sharing our stories of faith. So, because I love to write, I began to offer a class on writing our faith stories--those stories of God showing up and showing out in our lives. My thought was to create a venue were us church folks could talk about our stories of faith and perhaps even begin to write them down. Then maybe we would be more empowered to share those with others. What I know to be true: When we share our stories it is our faith that is widened and deepened. But a most interesting synchronistic thing happened. The two people who showed up wanted to write. Both of these wonderful women had all of this creative energy ready to be released. The faith stories class morphed into a creative writing class. Week after week these two gifted writers showed up with wonderful writing exercises and our process became genius work.

One writer is a single Mom who said early on…”I feel I have a lot to say about all that I have been through.” She is now blogging and sharing her experiences. The other writer is writing funny meaningful children’s stories. And me, I am just writing again! What was designed to be one thing has transformed into what it was suppose to be in spite of my original design. Even though it was a good design, the really moral of the stories is-- learning to let go of the outcomes. This is a major lesson I am learning on and off of my yoga mat.

Our job is to simple show up and open ourselves up to let God do God! Ultimately our writing process has been about developing relationships. Three women have developed relationships that inspired them to learn how to honor their Divine Creative Spark. When we meet, we do share our stories of faith--faith in the gift of writing that God has so graciously granted to us. We have been empowered to share our gift of writing with God’s people…that is the “E” word to me.

She's Baaaaack!

2009-08-05T06:09:00.000-04:00

Part I
After a long absence I have re-entered the wide world of blogging. Where has she been? What has she been doing? Glad you asked! After attended the Inauguration, way back in January I was so tapped into the energy created by the possibility of new hope for our country and the cosmic paradigm shift for hope and re-envisioning who and what we think our collectives selves could be. The song, "Age of Aquarius” from the musical Hair comes to mind…yes I am just that old…but I digress.

I felt challenged to intentionally pursue the clarity of my call…my purpose…why I showed up in this world… to do what? As you can read in my previous blogs yoga found me…and I got hooked, inspired, lifted and free to explore the ancient art and science of yoga. So as if my financial situation (like many of yours) wasn’t precarious enough, I decided to go to yoga school…yup on March 3rd, 2009 I start the yoga teacher training at City Yoga in Indianapolis, Indiana. For the past 5 months I have been on this fantastic journey of self exploration, peeling back layers and layers of a facade, a coating (more like an amour) that no longer served me, this journey took me to the core of my being. It was scary because I didn’t know who even lived there…"The mind is a terrible thing"!

Often I didn’t even like what bubbled up to the surface…after all I signed up to learn more about how to get the most out of my Asana practice…I just wanted to learn more about yoga…not about what makes Pamela tick… TO BE CONTINUED

How's your heart?

2009-02-06T13:05:00.000-05:00

One of my favorite passages of scripture is found in John 14:1. “Do not let your hearts be troubled. Believe in God believe also in me.” (NRSV)

As a Yoga newbie, I am so grateful for the ability to embrace this ancient spiritual practice. My practice brings to me each and everyday the exploration and the awareness of being alive and in a body…what a gift. Occasionally, my yogi reminds me that we actually have five bodies; the physical body but also the mental, or intellect, the energy body, the character or personality and your spiritual body if you will which is the heart, the center of your connection with the Divine. Often my yogi will ask, “So, how is your heart?” I love taking the opportunity to check in with my heart and yes sometime my heart is anxious and troubled. Jesus spoke the words that provide the antidote for my sometimes anxious and troubled heart. Even in these anxious and troubling economic times, I have found these words bring comfort and healing. He tells us to believe in God and believe in Him. Jesus tells us to believe in a God of all of creation, believe in the God of love and miracles, He is asking us to believe in the God who has promise to supply all of our needs even in these difficult times.

Then Jesus speaks of himself…”Believe also in me.” Jesus is telling us, here I am…I am proof positive of God’s deepest desire be in relationship with God’s creation. God has provided a rabbi, teacher, redeemer to resort a broken and fractured creation. Jesus is the tangible fulfillment and the embodiment of God’s unconditional love for all of God’s creation.

Can we take the opportunity to check in with our hearts? Are we bogged down with the cares and troubles of this world? Or can we just rest in the assurance of God’s care for us? “Do not let your heart be troubled…”What a challenge!

Did you feel it?

2009-02-02T00:16:00.000-05:00

Denzel Washington arrived early to the Inauguration. Not as early as we did in the dark, but like many of us, we stood with the "great cloud of witness," Whose hopes and dreams were realized at a little pass Noon on January 20th, 2009.

Although I don't like crowds...I was is this mass of people to see history in the making.

I am still walking a bit off the ground…It’s now been almost two weeks...and I really like it. Yes, I was with the 2 million people who had to witness history. I made the trek to D.C. with a picture of my parents in my pocket and all my many other ancestors in my heart and watched Barack Obama take the oath of office to becomes the 44 th President of the United States. I just had to be a witness of the first African American to hold that office. Standing in the sea of people…you actually could feel a cosmic energy shift….Did you feel it? The evidence of the shift was that not one arrest was made. (And let me remind you we were in D.C.) The energy was like nothing I every felt, it truly can not be put into words, and you truly had to be there. I believe that this cosmic metaphysical shift could be felt no matter where you were…I believe it is a frequency in the atmosphere…Did you feel it? Were you tuned in? Could it be the frequency of love and hope? Hope is a powerful intention…and love is the transformative energy that holds the universe together. Something about Barack Obama becoming President helped unveil the frequency of hope and love to those who were already listening. It just got louder!

After returning from DC, I gathered as usual with my yoga peeps and we could not stop talking about the Inauguration. didn't seem to matter if we were there physically or watched it on TV all of us talked about “the shift” and my yogi with her sage wisdom, posed the question….so what now? How does this “shift” affect how we show up in the world? What does it mean? I have really embraced this question…If you felt “the shift,” I invite you explore, so what now?….is it time to reacquaint yourself with the dreams that you pushed aside. Is it time to invite back into your life the hope for something more….Is it time to open your heart and trust the love of God that holds the universe together, will guide and lead you into balance, wholeness and love….can you feel it?

Resolution V. Intentions

2009-01-14T09:25:00.000-05:00

If you are like me and a million other Americans your New Years resolution has already fell by the way side. I was bemoaning this fact with my yogi (yep, my experiment in yoga continues) and she gave me a wonderful alternative to a list of unattainable New Years resolutions. Set an intention! During each practice on the mat, we set an intention. An intention is something we want to live into and lean into during our practice. It is something we want to manifest in our lives and in the world. An intention is global in nature. It has much more depth and breath than a resolution. For an example an intention can be to live peace…or to live health. It is the act of “being” as opposed to the production of setting something to “do.”

Our lives are made up of decisions, second by second, minute by minute…each decision can be weighed and measured by our intentions….is this decision manifesting peace in my life and in the world…or is this decision manifesting health in my life and in the world. Heavy stuff, but it makes us take pause and live and be more intentional. I am thoroughly convinced that most people live their lives totally unconscious. I am equally convinced that God has called us to intentionally living. Living intentionally is hard…it makes us look at our daily routines as well as our daily “ruts” and encourages us to make conscious decisions to change.

As we move forward in this New Year let us encourage each other to set an intention that is a reflection grounded in God’s intention for us… through Jesus Christ living out the love, peace and joy and grace of God in our lives and in the world.

On The Mat.

2009-01-12T08:42:00.000-05:00

My secret is out…I am a yoga junkie, and my new favorite person is my yogi, Nikki. Despite her attempts to make my body a human pretzel, I find her teaching insightful and her encouragement healing. One of my favorite sayings of Nikki is “use your mat as your own private laboratory; because how you do anything is how you do everything.” I took me a long time to understand the meaning of this statement.

During one session, I was trying particular hard to do a posture. I so wanted to get it right. I look at the woman next to me and she was moving in and out of this posture with much ease…That made me try even harder… Then my yogi saw me getting frustrated, she gently came to me and said…why are you trying so hard…remembering to breathe and letting your body surrender into the pose. Hmm…. Breathe and surrender…and on my own private laboratory, I got it! Breathe and surrender not just on the mat but with everything. My yogi was right how you do anything is how you do everything. So often I find myself trying so to make things happen, when all I really need to do is breathe and surrender!

Breath is something we take for granted, it the first thing we do when we are born and it is the last thing we do when we die…but yet, we hardly ever notice our breath. In yoga we are taught to consciously breathe. Consciously, we do need to be aware of breath, it is our life force; it is the very breath of God. In the Hebrew language the letters used to “name” God were unpronounceable; one particular adaptation to the unpronounceable was Yahweh. It is a name for God that is incapable of pronouncing with out breath. You have to breathe the word to say it! So as I breathe on the mat and move in and out of poses I remember to breathe in the very life force of God, to exhale all that does not serve us and to relax and let go…to surrender. In these anxious times let us remember to breathe.

Being able to surrender is a hard thing to do, trying to make things happen, moving in our own will and not God’s will is often our modes operandi, but it is exactly what God invites us to do! God invites us to surrender into the rest and into the peace of God. Too often we become human “doings” and not human “beings.” We don’t give ourselves the chance to just “be.” On the mat my favorite meditation mantra is the scripture “Be still and know that I am God.” The ability to quite our anxious spirit and our trouble heart is hard sometimes, we become distracted by what the problem, situation, challenge - looks like to the natural eye, we are distracted from being able rest in the assurance of Gods loving mercy.

On or off the matt, I think we all can take my yogi’s teachings to heart. When we find ourselves, struggling wit how to make something happen, let’s remember to step into breath and breathe consciously, allow God’s spirit to energize and gives us clarity and strength to let God be God in any situation or circumstance, and then just let go and surrender into the peace of God.