Child's Pose

Today on my mat, in child's pose....

I realized, I am "here," (in several situations and circumstances that are too numerous to mention) because of the decisions I have made and if I am honest with that realization, it makes me both angry at myself and sad. But what I'd like to say about that is, it is also strangely empowering. If getting "here" was the result of not one isolated decision, but by a series of decisions, then "getting" to where I want to be can also be accomplished by a series of collective decisions that take me in a different direction.

Quitting my job, going to seminary in Rochester, NY where I use to live, transfer to CTS - with my road dog, (my cat name dog-dog) here in Indy were all decisions I made, good, bad or ugly. All the situations and circumstances were/are precipitated by choices that I made. Now I can be caught in the trap of re-hashing every decision, cast judgement trying to assign good versus bad decisions...but at this point it does really matter. Nobody likes a Monday morning quarterback not even in the process of being self-reflective. So I am not assigning good or bad, just letting the decisions and choices be, my decisions are what they are. I can publicly own that; I am unemployed - without steady income, I am homeless - I am living with a gracious friend, because of the collective decision and choices that I have made. period

That realization gives me freedom from being the victim of circumstances. I am empowered to address my situations. It liberates me from the whole victim mentality that would having me waiting for external situations and circumstances to change.

So I am in child's pose. Child's pose is a restorative pose in yoga, it is a posture that allows you to reconnect with breath, and take an active rest to re-connect with your intention. Literally and figuratively, I am in child's pose, breathing, taking a active rest, re-connecting with my intention, purpose and direction on and off the mat. Breath!