Ode to a very wise woman

Recently at a lovely going away party for one of my favorite yogini (going to India, how exciting is that!) A very wise woman, my yoga teacher, mentor and very wise woman gave me "permission" to write about the darkness as well as the light. Imagine that, I can write about my dark days as well as the days when I am full of inspiration on the mat.

To be honest, darkness nips at my heels most days (I am a little melancholy) but I am also able to just be and let my light shine, play Mary J's song, "Fine, Fine, Fine... Whoo," get my prayer on, meditate and it's all good! But there are those day when I try to let my light shine, ( as in previous post), I muster up a mere candle flicker and the darkness seems to blow out this little light of mine. I stumble around in the darkness and I stub my toe, bump my head - like when you lose power in the house and you stumble around looking for a flashlight or a candle.

Believe it or not, I surrender and sit in the dark, maybe for only a moment, maybe a day or even weeks at a time. It is very difficult to admit, that I, the eternal optimist, spiritual director, yogini, sit in the dark sometime. OMG! I think that means I am human! I am where I am, sitting in the dark trying to have no judgement about where I am. It's not pretty, but it is what it is...me in the darkness, trying not to preform a "spiritual by-pass." Sugar coating the dark night of the soul with trite "religious speak." Those don't work for me, and as an ordained minister, I know most of them. When someone offers them to me I have to resist taking of my shoe and throwing it at them...not very yogic, but that's how I feel because it's the last thing I need, trite, pat answers. Blah!

One of the inspirations that I have learned on the mat has been the gift of exploration, making my mat my own private laboratory. On the mat, I explore how and what it means to be in my body, totally in my body and not just my head. I am also giving myself permission to exploring the darkness, am I afraid of what I might find? I will explore anyway; perhaps I have loss power, have I moved away from The Source...I didn't know I moved.... I'll keep ya "posted" on what I find in the darkness. Breath!